On Anger

You should be angry. You must not be bitter. Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. It doesn’t do anything to the object of its displeasure. So use that anger. You write it. You paint it. You dance it. You march it. You vote it. You do everything about it. You talk it. Never stop talking it.- Maya Angelou

I went to bed upset last night. I woke up quite annoyed and as the day progressed I became angry. I am still trying to figure out who or what I will be deflecting this episode of anger on. In the past when I have felt this way, I stewed in it, I wallowed in it, I nursed it and reared it to fine thoroughbred bitterness. I am seeing a pattern here, and today before I start to stew my anger on a very low heat, I will write about it.

I have not been writing of late because life has been happening and when life happens at times, my writing voice is silenced. I hunted my blog spot today because I was angry.

I wanted to pummel my keyboard, I wanted to spew this venom before it settles and sips into my veins. The toxicity of bitterness is life threatening. I will not deliberately infect myself today. I know why I am angry. I am angry because I am walking a familiar road, travelling to a destination I know very well. I know all the landscapes and landmarks, I know the nostalgia at the beginning of the journey, the butterflies at the pit of my stomach at the first pit stop The anxiety right and the end and the pain when the road has led to no where. I know this journey very well. 

So why am I angry you ask. I am angry because my foot is on the base step of this bus to no where. I know, because as much as I am angry the nostalgia and curiosity is creeping in. I am intrigued, I want to embark on this journey. I am saying maybe just maybe this time this road has a secret door. A secret door that is opened by many hopeless journeys, by many trips that end in pain. Just maybe, just maybe. I do not want to go on this journey but I don't know how to do so. I am angry at myself for being weak and pathetic. 

I am still angry, but today I will not stew in my anger. I will write about it, I will shame bitterness by not festering in my anger. Today I will do things differently, I will let the bus and my anger go.